Disclaimer: the following words are not primarily to “make sense” but to see the one who suffers and takes things personally; a slightly modified email from yesterday evening.
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Dear friend (David taught me about ‘privacy’ ;-),
Listening to The Best of Tchaikovsky right now.
// Woohoo, this sounds sophisticated.
Easter is a good time to die (psychologically).
To die to the “me” that is only a caricature of I – Consciousness.
Magdi’s term ‘caricature of I’ feels gentle and loving; somehow my version was more clunky and energetically charged: “me” is fake.
The “me” I think and feel is mind content: story, echo, past;
believed into reality by a pained and misguided child.
The “me” on whose behalf suffering arises is a misunderstanding.
It is most precious to be gifted with the simple seeing of how much investment there is, in this assumed “me”.
All the little insecurities, expectations, disappointments, suspicions, defenses, longings, assumptions, theories, memories, whatever… all only to protect a self-entertained identity, an unexamined misunderstanding carried over from childhood.
A divine joke or a wise unfolding?
Paper tigers feared to be exposed as a myth.
The “me” as a cocoon until we have enough spiritual muscle to walk our talk?
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At the root of mankind’s suffering journey is the unaware and faulty belief: I am body-mind.
We shrink I am into a finite body-mind and call it “me”; and then endlessly entertain ourself with the impossibility to fix a mirage.
// all words as playful concessions.
The coming out is fairly simple, but our unwillingness to be nothing and nobody is the stumbling block.
Humility; allowing “I don’t know” creates the space to see the fake “me” effortlessly erode. Impossible to “do” by “myself” but as a gift of soaking in the love, clarity and dedication of Satsang.
The fake “me” that speaks of control and how things ought to be;
the fake “me” who lacks the humbleness to surrender to Life;
proudly invested/cornered in decades of teachings, practices, so called insights; this “me” is its own prison ward.
Who is in the driver’s seat?
The proudly afraid and arrogant “me” or Life itself?
Who am I?
What a wonderful gift to actively allow and examine the pain of “me” without running away into thinking or feeling!
“Only what is false can die.”
Path, journey, awakening, enlightenment… it is super ridiculous to see how invested and confused “me” can be in regard to those idea traps.
Suffering, misery, the life in quiet desperation, is self-entertained, self-made, here and now; awakening is simply our normal natural state in which we see the “me” investment for what it is.
I am whole and complete, always, right here and now; not in the changing pictures, but as the canvas, the open empty space I am; unburdened by attachment and expectation.
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No claim to fame, no special powers…
It is ok to feel miserable, it is ok to feel pain, because all dis-ease is only the separate-self itself, the imagined “me”, seemingly veiling Source.
No progress, no path, no learning, no teaching… simply the gift of not running away into our sophisticated old ways of “me”… even being sincere, honest, dedicated is a “me” trap at some point.
Impossible to explain?
“Me” is fake, me is mind content.
… and mind content is always past.
Yet, mind is beautiful, wonderful, powerful;
misunderstood it has the power to create hell.
Seen without personal investment, with love,
it doesn’t need a controlling separate “me”.
Mind is a good helper/servant but a cruel boss/master.
I – effortlessly being the open empty presence of awareness – am the master, love, peace, intelligence, intuition, wisdom; harmonious-balanced interchange.
“Me?” or “I am!”… very subtle.
// all words as concessions.
No need for strategy, no need to explain, no need for blame, shame, guilt, pride, fear, no need for future or past in the psychological realm.
No need to resist the dance, no victim, no hero;
gratitude beyond words.
Willing to let the old “me” die;
willing to have nothing to hold onto;
the paradox of the gift of life.
“Me” is proud and super humbly clever;
it is a trick that makes “me” appear to be real.
Who falls for it?
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Easy, no need to figure out what is meant by those words.
“Me” is veiling I; I is Life itself, “me” is an assumed identity.
Does Life need to figure anything out?
There are preferences for “me” and I takes care of them or not.
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Suffering, expectations, attachment to outcome, blame, shame, guilt, pride… not as problems, but as invitations to investigate “me”.
No one to take things personally, while taking things personally might still happen, but in and as peace for the gift of being seeing.
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Thank you for this opportunity to experience “me”, to expose misunderstanding and suffering; who takes things personally?
Who is the doer?
Who is behind the “ya but”?
Who is saying “I don’t like this”?
What a paradox.
“The highest teaching is silence”.
Maybe to delete this post?
Peace,
Holger
