On Fri, Apr 01, 2022 at 12:54pm,
David Spector wrote:
Dear Holger,
The following is submitted for posting on nondualsharing.com:
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Responses To Email
Here are my detailed responses to each point in Holger’s latest email to me:
Holger: “If Mooji would listen, would you have more respect?”
David: Yes, Mooji is not arrogant and pushy, like you. He is a real teacher, speaking from his real experience. You have the talk, from the mind, but no experience to back up the words. I can’t recall your ever having shared a genuine experience or nonduality insight with us.
Holger: “The one feeling alienated is only the separate-self.”
David: I am sorry to hear that you feel alienated. Stop depending on me for your feeling of adequacy. Learn from your behavior and leave me alone.
Holger: “We never met for personal gain or comfort, but to expose the myth of ‘me'”.
David: We met because you moderate our group. What is it with all this arrogance? I never asked you to be my teacher, and I never would.
Holger: “Use our interactions wisely, to see the trap (of you trying so hard); ‘die before you die’ is easy in Love.”
David: Our interactions are an embarrassment to you because of your poor behavior. You have sent me four emails so far today. I have not requested either your instruction or your pestering.
Holger: “Blaming an assumed Holger is convenient, but it prolongs the fake sufferer.”
David: I blame Holger, hoping he will someday hear and feel a bit of shame, to help remove his arrogance.
Holger: “Please give my words to your heart, not the person.”
David: You have not earned the right to speak to my heart. Arrogance only speaks to the mind. My mind rejects your arrogance. I would accept an honest communication from your heart, but I doubt that will happen.
Holger: “Believing that a person could forgive or be forgiven is ignorance.”
David: Nonsense. Anyone can forgive, or be forgiven, through Divine Grace, which is unconditional. Perhaps you will learn that someday. Meanwhile, your ignorance is marked by your inability to recognize your poor behavior due to arrogance.
Holger: “There is only Love, Peace, Intelligence, veiled by an unaware ‘me’ belief/investment.”
David: You demonstrate no love, no peace, and certainly no intelligence in your behavior with me. They are all veiled by your conditioning, arrogance, and especially by your unremitting fake teaching.
Holger: “Examine your pains, don’t think or blame or wait them away.”
David: Have you ever applied such arrogant advice to yourself? Of course not. This is called a “double standard”: one standard for yourself, another for your current victim/student.
Holger: “Happiness is independent of circumstances, peace is not a pleasure.”
David: Why aren’t you peaceful and happy enough to leave me alone?
David Spector
Dear David, I feel great love for you; my chest feels warm… I just started my second load of laundry.
Around noon I replied to your email on my small phone, while sitting in the car, waiting at the dealership; I am sorry in case I was distracted and not fully present; I felt relaxed and the sun was shining. Re-reading my words right now, I feel neither pride nor shame.
Did I misjudge your sincere hunger for truth?
I don’t mind if your person judges my person as arrogant, pushy or embarrassing, in the last analysis we only see our own material.
Being blamed doesn’t feel “nice”, but our coming together – as far as I am concerned – is dedicated to practically refine our discernment between “me” (psychological thinking mind) and I am (Presence).
David, I still call you friend, and I trust your maturity as a long-time TM Practitioner with 2,000+ clients that your words come from a place of love and wisdom, and are not just an escape from surrendering your own subtle “I don’t like this”.
I am thankful for heartfelt feedback, it is always a win-win; nobody wants to be stuck in faulty thinking and unexamined muscle-memory.
David, again, I am sorry that I seem to have misjudged your desire. I wholeheartedly assumed you want to be free from the person; if your only dediction is the freedom in the person then we clearly have no common ground.
We cannot serve two masters, we cannot dance on two parties at the same time; we cannot be half-pregnant. Nonduality, the way I experience, is not a “thing”, it is a transmission from heart to heart, a letting go of past investments; the paradoxical willingness to be nothing and to have nothing to hold onto.
With gratitude for all our wonderful moments, with thankfulness for Spector pushing so many buttons in “me”; and the gift of Grace to see my own egoic investments in entertaining those buttons.
Even anger and frustration is a means of the separate-self to strengthen its pretended reality.
Thank you David, I wish you well; the Garden of Friends is an open space for like-hearted beings, dedicated to the highest human discovery; ego kindergarten is allowed, but only for the sake of clarity.
Peace,
Holger